tough love is breaking my heart

By mamahawk39 on Mon, 01-02-12, 17:29

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Friends and Family of Addicts

My 19 year old son gets out of jail tomorrow. He did 30 days for assault and battery on me and malicious destruction to my home. He can't come back here. He has convinced me he changed several times, yet when I let him back in my home, he uses and abuses me everytime. He says if I don't pick him up then he will kill himself, and he will get revenge either way. I am so afraid of what he is going to do. This has been a 5whole year battle with his mood swings due to drugs. I don't know how to get the authorities to take him seriously. They act like he is a kid acting out, but he is truly a danger to himself and others. Any suggestions how to be taken seriously?

By JessicaC on Mon, 01-02-12, 17:54

you call the police... every time he threatens suicide you call 911... you can not let him manipulate you like that. do you go to Alanon? i would strongly suggest that you try it out. my husband is an addict and used to use suicide threats to get me to do what he wants, give him money and rides, I stopped taking his calls and would just call 911 on him every single time he trheatened until they got sick of him and commited him to the hospital for psych observation. he stopped calling me. if you have to get a no contact order. suicide threats are a form of abuse.

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By JessicaC on Mon, 01-02-12, 17:55

it's not about tough love, it's about taking care of yourself. this is not about him, this is about YOU. you can love him and still detach from him.

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By mamahawk39 on Tue, 01-03-12, 20:40

Thank you for understanding JessicaC. I rented a storage shed in town and put some necessities in along with his personal items. I felt like I was burying him when I was leaving everything behind. I know it had to be done. He will have 24 hour access to it without having to come near me or the kids.

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By Foreverlost on Fri, 01-06-12, 01:47

Wow can I relate to this. I kicked out my 22 year old son just tonight. This needed to be done for so long and I finally took the step after talking to a crisis counsellor yesterday.

I felt all the guilt and quite frankly felt like the worse mother in the world until I talked to her. She really put things into perspective for me. He was intimidating everyone in the house. As parents, we have to consider the other children and keep them safe.

As I spoke to the councillor, it dawned on me that I've been enabling him all this time because I felt sorry for him. He was being abusive because I let it go on. As for the authorities, I went through that too where I felt I needed to protect him from police who 'didn't understand his problems'. What was I thinking? If he gets himself thrown in jail then he's better off. He will still access some drugs but for the most part he will clean up for a while and give his body a chance to heal.

I realized that on the street, he's slowing killing himself anyway. The drugs and things he's been doing can cause permanent damage. Will he get roughed up in jail, probably but she made me realize that he's getting roughed up on the street with all the fights he's been in. I even asked her if the stories of rape in jail are true. She said that can happen on the street just as easily. Why didn't I think of that? He's been beatebm slashed up and stabbed on the street and I'm worried about him getting roughed up in jail?????

I've literally been worrying myself sick over him. Not sleeping, crying in bed, barely being able to look after the other kids. Got in trouble at work for missing too much time over him. And for what? Because he chose to get caught up in drugs because he was feeling sorry for himself.

If anyone should turn to drugs it should be me! I'm the one who has to put up with him... but not anymore. I am putting him in Gods hands.

"Get between your kids and drugs any way you can" by Carroll O'Connor.

Addiction is not a disease; it's a demon trying to tear your child from your arms; hang on and don't let go of them.

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By JessicaC on Fri, 01-06-12, 14:24

LOL I said that about rehab... I was like "screw putting you in rehab again... You may be the drug addict, but I'm addicted to your insanity... you don't WANT help... I WANT help... I WANT therapy, I WANT to rehabilitate... let ME go to rehab!" Hell.. he doesn't remember half of the crap he's done because he was too drunk or high... I, on the otherhand remeber EVERY SINGLE MOMENT... every nasty word he called, me, every moment of him running aroudn creating disasters like a 5'10" 2-year old with access to our bank account and my car keys... I wouldn't mind going to a place by a little lake inthe woods, have my meals cooked, learn to take care fo myself, be "forced" to go to meetings where I learn to think straight... sounds good to me!

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

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By Foreverlost on Fri, 01-06-12, 19:55

Jessica you said it all! The people who have to put up with them are the ones who need help. They have their head in the clouds while we have to put up with their insanity.

And to the original poster, why are you paying to store his stuff? If he's been at it for as long as my son then most of it is likely stolen. As well, he didn't show any respect to your home and possessions so why bother with his? Sell it and try to recover some of the costs for the damage he's done.

"Get between your kids and drugs any way you can" by Carroll O'Connor.

Addiction is not a disease; it's a demon trying to tear your child from your arms; hang on and don't let go of them.

Support Points: 1225

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Groups: Abuse, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Abuse, Friends and Family of Addicts, Hoarding, Insomnia, Loneliness, Parents, Relationship, Sex Addiction, Smoking, Suicide

By JessicaC on Fri, 01-06-12, 20:13

I think that actually might be illegal to sell it and keep the money... but I agree you shouldn't pay for it to be stored... give him notice to get it and if you have a lawyer or go in to the police and ask how long you have to give him before the things are concidered abandoned.

I was about to do something awesome again, but I told myself, "Enough is enough! That's plenty of awesome for one day."

"They say that marriage is about making two lives into one... nobody told me that meant we both would end up becoming HIM"

Support Points: 49205

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